DonQHoti - Thoughts, Quips and Assorted Stuff

Google search circa 1960

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under ...

Obbligato - being forced to practice Con Moto - yeah baby, I have a car Allegro - a little car Metronome - short, city musician who can fit into a Honda Civic Lento - the days leading up to Easto Largo - beer brewed in Germany or the Florida Keys Piu Animato - clean out the cat's litter box Con Spirito - drunk again Colla Voce - this shirt is so tight I can't sing Improvisation - what you do when the music falls down Prelude - warm-up before the clever stuff Flats - English apartments Chords - things organists play with one finger Discords - thing that organists play with two fingers Suspended Chords - useful for lynching the vocalist Time Signatures - things for drummers to ignore Melody - an ancient, now almost extinct art in songwriting Klavierstuck - A term used by German furniture movers attempting to get a piano through a narrow doorway. Music Stand - An intricate device used to hold music. Comes in two sizes- too high or too low - always broken. Tonic ...

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to borrow $30,000 to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager look...

God is a metaphor for a mystery that absolutely transcends all human categories of thought, even the categories of being and non-being. Those are categories of thought. I mean it's as simple as that. So it depends on how much you want to think about it. Whether it's doing you any good. Whether it is putting you in touch with the mystery that's the ground of your own being. If it isn't, well, it's a lie. So half the people in the world are religious people who think that their metaphors are facts. Those are what we call theists. The other half are people who know that the metaphors are not facts. And so, they're lies. Those are the atheists. -- Joseph Campbell (1904-1987) This is a transcript from 'Joseph Campbell: The Hero's Journey' a 2000 documentary as presented on  the  Wikipedia  article about him.

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle...

The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.  -- Marcus Aurelius (121-180 C.E.)

"How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?" (Answered by Dogs) Golden Retriever:  The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb? Border Collie:  Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Dachshund:   You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! Rottweiler:   Make me. Lab:   Oh, me, me!!!! Pulleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Can I? German Shepherd:   I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, checked to  make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. Pug:  Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy. Jack Russell Terrier:   I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. Poodle:   I'll just blow in the...

Make your interests gradually wider and more impersonal, until bit by bit the walls of the ego recede, and your life becomes increasingly merged in the universal life. An individual human existence should be like a river — small at first, narrowly contained within its banks, and rushing passionately past rocks and over waterfalls. Gradually the river grows wider, the banks recede, the waters flow more quietly, and in the end, without any visible break, they become merged in the sea, and painlessly lose their individual being.    -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)